If you comment my posts, I'll do it more often...

I'm not 100% sure how to start this post. I'm going to be honest, I think there'll be a lot of rambling in it. I'll start out with the best part. I saw C and his girlfriend. It was uncomfortable and I puked. I really wish I were kidding right now. A friend of mine used to teach at my high school, and she didn't want to go watch the kids she taught graduate alone. So I'm a pushover and went with her. I don't know how I forgot that C's brother was graduating, but whatever. I sat down and of course, three rows below me come the absolute last people I want to see. I really don't have a lot to say about it. This was the first time I had seen them, and I'm not even sure if they saw me. There were traces of public tears and afterward I puked in a bathroom stall. Even after that though, I was comforted by passive aggressive remarks made by more than a few people. They addressed topics including, but not limited to, the fact that I was indeed NOT wearing hoe shorts to a graduation and the miscellaneous comments about career choices. Sooo that was sweet. And I'm going to be 100% serious for a second and say that this isn't even a big deal. Kudos to me, right? In all honesty, they seem like they go together. I mean that in a negative way and in a positive way. So way to be mature. BUT in a less mature moment of mine, I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm still made about petty things. (i.e. my birthday, Christmas, and hurtful remarks)

But here's something that IS a big issue for me. I had a dream that I was quite displeased with that night. No, it wasn't anything like the dream I had about my resident. But it was about C. I dreamt that he called me and apologized and said really nice things and then hung up. So now the saying In your dreams is pretty literal. Cool....

Sorry about that lapse in humor. I hate it when I go off on a serious/not funny tangent.

To make up for it, I have a story about quite possibly the epitome of my creepiness. I'm creeping hard on this guy I have classes with. We're both ME majors, so we've had quite a few classes together and will continue to. We have one this summer, and at least two in the fall. Well, I might have saved a picture of him from his facebook onto my phone. And I might have, and still am, texting it to my friends, and my mom. Just to be like, "HEY GUYS!!!! I'm creeping hard on this guy. We actually talk in person and he asked about my gnome collection AND HERE'S A PICTURE!!!!!!!!!" The general response has always involved the words, "wow" and "creep". So I'm dealing with that....

Might means definitely. By the way....

And my mom thinks I need to go on anti-anxiety medication because I'm really uptight and get really anxious and act like I'm on speed sometimes. So she thinks I'm weird... BUT I refuse to until I donate at least one batch of eggs. So that is my life right now.

Yours creepily,
Morgan

I'm not the pretty sister, and I get reminded of that fact often

Good news!! My computer is officially fixed. Yay!!! I'm not worried about this happening again, because no one is here anymore that will use Internet Explorer to look up NSFW material because that person knows I use Firefox and won't see the IE history. I mean, IF that was even the problem....

And in other news- A question I often ask myself is "What would I normal person do in this situation?" Never before has the answer been, "Go to the drive in with Sky and a bucket of chicken." That was my Friday night exactly a week ago. Something about being home makes me so much more comfortable with not being on par with normal. And spending time with Skylar doesn't help that situation. So long story short: we rolled up to the KFC drive thru and, I kid you not, asked, "What's the least amount of chicken we can get in a bucket?" Because really, it was the bucket with which we were most concerned. If you were wondering- the answer is six. You can get six pieces of chicken in a bucket.

That is what I do when I'm home. Another thing I like to do when I'm home: spend time with my little brother. My family, yeah sure. But mainly the smallest sibling. He literally had tears in his eyes and asked our parents if I could sleep in his room because he "never gets to spend time with Morgan anymore." SO CUTE, RIGHT?! Well, I like to go to his baseball games. I have awfully bad anxiety, so I get ridiculously nervous watching. But the last game I went to was particularly eventful. Turns out, one of umps was absolutely the definition of attractive. And the kicker? My sister and I were desperately trying to figure out where we knew him from, and it turns out that he has asked her out on several dates. She declined, God knows why. And yet again was I reminded that I am indeed not the pretty sister. Just like in high school when people told me that. Often. So I'm not sure how to handle that.

Another situation I'm not sure how I'm going to handle: a friend of mine is going to come stay with me. In my apartment. For more than one day. I really want her to stay with me. I'm more concerned about her. Like, I couldn't possibly have a roommate, so I hope this doesn't have an effect on our friendship. And I have a couch made for midgets. Anyone who has been to my apartment knows I'm not exaggerating. It's long but really, really thin. And that's what she said. But no, I'm not really not kidding.

Something that happened to me yesterday: I gave the lead in Cute Is What We Aim For a lighter. So it was pretty legit, I'm a huge fan of their music. And by huge fan, I mean that I want to make out to it. BUT that just makes me realize how I don't have that in my life, sooooo.... There's that. For the record, I absolutely don't smoke, but my best friend left her lighter in my car, so I definitely gave that mess up fast. Sorry, B. But it was absolutely worth it because he definitely said, "Sweet car." Shaant was pretty cunning in real life. I might have texted my mom a picture of him and I. She then replied, "Please go home alone." Which made me feel pretty good, because she apparently was under the impression that I just asked a potential hook up to take a picture with me so I could text it to my mom for approval. This also means that she thought that I had a potential hook-up. And an attractive one at that. Yet again I find myself saying "Thanks for the confidence boost, MOM!" So yeahhh....

Here's a picture of Shaant. So you know what kind of guy my mom thinks I'm getting...

If only....

Which leads me right into another concern- why the HELL aren't there more guys like this in my life? I'm a BIG fan of beards. In fact, beards absolutely should be added to my make-out list. Mmm. And because I have an undeniable attraction to men with beards and long hair, I might have been excessively creepy to a guy on Twitter and/or Formspring. Which is just great for me.

Yours awkwardly, and creepily,
Morgan

Liquid silver is so gross.

I get sick a lot. Not only the whole I get nervous and hurl thing, but literally ill because I have the immune system of a fetus. Because of this, my mother always tries preventative measures to keep me from getting sick. One phase she went through was making me take liquid silver. I had no idea that this was something you could buy for funsies. Skylar really enjoyed this- she'd be at my house and anytime I'd cough or sneeze or sniffle, my mom would get the liquid silver out. I feel like you should know that it tastes AWFUL. I'm a huge wuss, so I would throw a fit every single time. I HATE liquid silver. Luckily, its been a few years since my mom was on her silver spree.

Around the same time I was being forced to take what I consider to be dangerous amounts of the silver, Skylar saw a special on some man that drank too much of it and turned purple. After this special, Skylar found out that if you eat an insane amount of carrots, your body will turn orange. Whether this is accurate or not is debatable, but I saw an episode of House where it happened, which is absolutely good enough for me. When Skylar comes home for the summer, we plan for her to come stay with me for a week and just eat carrots. I already refuse to wear orange, so I'm definitely not going to turn my skin that color. Maybe because there was a spray-tanning incident my sophomore year of high school that perpetually scarred me. A high school professor still won't let me live it down. Long story short- my red hair mixed with orange skin is just really unflattering. Luckily, I have a friend that's down for whatever who is willing to accompany Skylar on this adventure. Don't worry, I'll document it all.

And in a topic related to the post about me being exceptionally emotional, I'm cutting this post short to go to my last Bible study of the semester, which is the last small group with my mentor and surrogate big. I'm very prepared to cry. A lot.

Please bear with me during finals; it is hectic.
Morgan

My name is Morgan, and I'm abnormally emotional

First of all, I'm sorry for the lack of post Friday. There are two and a half weeks of classes left, so you can understand that its a little stressful at the moment. And by a little, I mean it in the way that when you say that you murdered someone... a little, is no different from murdering someone... a lot. And in case that analogy didn't do anything for you, then I'll just lay it out for you: it's a really stressful time of year. Luckily for you, when I get stressed, I get uncomfortable. More so than normal. I also make more aggressive comments than I normally do.

Which brings me to this: I'm abnormally emotional. It isn't because I'm stressed; I'm always this way. I used to think that I just would get upset because my relationship with C turned unhealthy and all that mess. But now that we don't speak, it is absolutely clear that had nothing to do with it. When I say I'm abnormally emotional I don't just mean that if you say something mean to me, like "If you were more physically attractive, you'd have another boyfriend already," I'll cry and hold a grudge. Which, by the way is a true story. But anyway, I have a heightened sense of apathy. For example, I really love my mom. I'm a sweetheart, I know... But is it normal to cry while watching TV shows when something sad happens, like someone's mom dies?? I seriously doubt it. If anything sad happens that I can even relatively related to, it seriously starts the waterworks. This hinders my ability to go out to the movies with people, watch programs in a classroom setting, and lots of other normal activities.

Another way I exhibit my lack of emotional stability is the fact that I cannot think of one small group over the past two years in which I didn't start crying. I've been with the same Bible study slash small group for both years of college, and no matter what we're talking about, I can't help but get emotional. Even if I'm not upset. We can be talking about our future goals, and then out of nowhere- there I am crying again. Ridiculous. I wish one of those girls would man up and kick me in my throat next time that happens. Which I assuming will be Thursday at 5:30pm, like every week. AND it just so happens that this is our last Bible study together. Our leader is moving to Detroit to be a teacher for TFA and I'm kind of pissed that she's leaving, but really excited. I've already started calling her by her last name and planning classroom surprises to get her.

The incident that made me realize I had this emotional problem is the most pathetic of them all. I was on the phone with my mom, telling her about how I really wanted to get a TiVo for when I move. My mom is pretty aggressive, so she obviously told me no and shut it down real fast. I proceeded to cry. On my way to class. To the point where I didn't go to class because I was so upset. I should clarify, I wasn't upset about not getting the TiVo. I'm not that spoiled. I was upset by how she approached viciously turning me down. Her reaction was to tell me she's worried about my social skills. She "doesn't want me to become a hermit." First of all, how does getting a TiVo make me a hermit?? I wanted a TiVo because I'm always in meetings or busy and can't watch my favorite shows. Secondly, if you know me, you know I'm fine with becoming a hermit. A few life outcomes I'm perfectly okay with are as follows: a hermit with thirty cats and a library, a politician's wife, a more scientifically apt version of my high school English teacher, an awkward mechanical engineer. HOW DOES MY MOM NOT KNOW THAT I'M OKAY WITH BEING A HERMIT???? This upset me even more and she proceeded to suggest seeing a therapist. Not. Even. Kidding.

It didn't help my mom's image of me when I called her at 1am Friday night crying, either. Literally as soon as she answered, I started crying hysterically. It was also pouring down rain, so I opted to calm down, drive home, and call her back. As I get back to my apartment soaking wet, I call her back and tell her all about how I had an awful time at formal. Which is very true. And that's the reason I was crying. I hadn't originally wanted to go to formal and was there only by some coercing from a few friends. Friends that ended up spending the entire night with their dates, but whatever. I'm a wuss and couldn't control my emotions. I ended up telling my mom that I hate formals and I'm never going again, unless I have a particular date or am on exec. I can't dance and definitely didn't have a date, so the entire night was uncomfortable for me. One guy told me to come dance and somehow the conversation ended up with him telling me he feels he can be rude to me because he "has faith I can handle it". Direct quote. Obviously, this did NOT make my mother any more confident in my social skills and once again she suggested therapy. This time she added, "Maybe some medication would balance you out." Thanks, Mom.

And on a semi-related topic, I watched a 3 hour PBS special about Wuthering Heights on Netflix Instant Watch the other day. And cried the entire time. I am being so serious. Wuthering Heights is one of my favorite books of all times and I have no shame in admitting that I cried until three am watching a movie about it. It is a really weird story- with the necrophilia and incest and all, and it makes me feel differently after watching/reading it every time. I just thought I should share that with you. You should obviously watch it.

Anyway. I'm abnormally emotional and it isn't even cool. This makes me sound extra ridiculous, and I swear I'm not. It just happens and I get over it and that's that. It doesn't affect my friendships, at least I don't think it does. For the next post, I'll try to not sound so pathetic. Because I'm totally not.

Yours awkwardly, and creepily,
Morgan