If you comment my posts, I'll do it more often...

I'm not 100% sure how to start this post. I'm going to be honest, I think there'll be a lot of rambling in it. I'll start out with the best part. I saw C and his girlfriend. It was uncomfortable and I puked. I really wish I were kidding right now. A friend of mine used to teach at my high school, and she didn't want to go watch the kids she taught graduate alone. So I'm a pushover and went with her. I don't know how I forgot that C's brother was graduating, but whatever. I sat down and of course, three rows below me come the absolute last people I want to see. I really don't have a lot to say about it. This was the first time I had seen them, and I'm not even sure if they saw me. There were traces of public tears and afterward I puked in a bathroom stall. Even after that though, I was comforted by passive aggressive remarks made by more than a few people. They addressed topics including, but not limited to, the fact that I was indeed NOT wearing hoe shorts to a graduation and the miscellaneous comments about career choices. Sooo that was sweet. And I'm going to be 100% serious for a second and say that this isn't even a big deal. Kudos to me, right? In all honesty, they seem like they go together. I mean that in a negative way and in a positive way. So way to be mature. BUT in a less mature moment of mine, I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm still made about petty things. (i.e. my birthday, Christmas, and hurtful remarks)

But here's something that IS a big issue for me. I had a dream that I was quite displeased with that night. No, it wasn't anything like the dream I had about my resident. But it was about C. I dreamt that he called me and apologized and said really nice things and then hung up. So now the saying In your dreams is pretty literal. Cool....

Sorry about that lapse in humor. I hate it when I go off on a serious/not funny tangent.

To make up for it, I have a story about quite possibly the epitome of my creepiness. I'm creeping hard on this guy I have classes with. We're both ME majors, so we've had quite a few classes together and will continue to. We have one this summer, and at least two in the fall. Well, I might have saved a picture of him from his facebook onto my phone. And I might have, and still am, texting it to my friends, and my mom. Just to be like, "HEY GUYS!!!! I'm creeping hard on this guy. We actually talk in person and he asked about my gnome collection AND HERE'S A PICTURE!!!!!!!!!" The general response has always involved the words, "wow" and "creep". So I'm dealing with that....

Might means definitely. By the way....

And my mom thinks I need to go on anti-anxiety medication because I'm really uptight and get really anxious and act like I'm on speed sometimes. So she thinks I'm weird... BUT I refuse to until I donate at least one batch of eggs. So that is my life right now.

Yours creepily,
Morgan

Sorry for being such a missing person.... Not that you were missing me...

First of all, sorry for being the most sketch person ever and not posting. I'm the worst. Trust me, I'm very aware of that. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I've been forced to work in my boss's office all day long almost every day of the week. "Morgan, you could totally take your computer to work with you and write about the wacky things your boss does/says!!" Well, dear reader, maybe I could if I had a laptop with working wireless. That's right. I live a charmed life and I feel the need to publicly complain about the most minute thing ever: no wireless. That's why I am looking to alternative methods for making money. Since my job doesn't pay me in real money, you know...

AND another obstacle in my blogging path- I had toe surgery. Yep, I'm claiming that my toe preventing me from typing. Obviously. I didn't get time off from work, so by the time I got to come back to my apartment, I just crashed. And by crashed I mean I spent a lot of time on my couch watching movies and Deadliest Warrior and Man vs. Wild. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy watching Bear Grylls in nature, but I am no questions asked a Geoff Desmoulin girl. If I could pick only one show to watch for the rest of my life, it'd be Deadliest Warrior. I can listen to him talk his Biomedical Engineering lingo and look at his built body every day... AND he totally replied me on twitter. NOT. EVEN. KIDDING. I'd date rape him so fast, it's unreal.

Something of more substance: I saw C yesterday. My little brother desperately wanted to have his birthday party at a certain location where C happens to have a second job. And of course he, as in my little brother, begged me to come. And my sweet little brother is my weakness, so I went. I crossed my fingers that C wouldn't be working. Let me clarify: solely for the purpose of me not being put in a weird position. In all honesty, I knew I'd be a huge wuss about it and probably get all weird and emotional and I just didn't want that to happen. Sooooo of course my luck isn't great, and Chason ran up to me telling me he saw C right as C texted me saying he saw Chason. Literally, here's our conversation (paraphrased- don't quote me. I always delete our conversations after they happened.):

C- "Just saw Chason. Lol."
M- "Yeah, we're here for his birthday."
C- "Oh cool. I don't want things to be awkward."
M- "It's cool, I had to go anyway."
C- "Later."
M- "Thanks for giving Chason those extra tokens. He was really excited."
C- "No prob. He's a cool kid."

Seems like a totally normal conversation, right?? It wasn't. I will not be friends if this is what friends are. I refuse to go from having conversations of substance to this. People change, that's all it boils down to. And by that I really mean that people that were once good people decide that partying, drugs, and generally the lack of anything of substance are priorities. I deleted the conversation, so I wouldn't be tempted to make myself look weird, stupid, embarrassing in any way. Which is pretty hopeless anyway. Actually, I do feel WAY better about myself after that anonymous comment about his new girl being a troll doll that has a low IQ. Anyway. I'm going to go ahead and put this out there- yesterday was a good day to see C. Like I saw a friend, and she was like, "Whoa, you look good." And I was like, "Good, because I saw C." Ohhh, this is my life. I mean, I saw him. I assume he saw me. Maybe he didn't. Totally doesn't matter. Mainly because of that anonymous comment.... Love you, Anonym.

And sorry for that...

Annddddd more embarrassing things about myself: I like cops. Sky and I had a talk about this on our way to the drive ins with a bucket of chicken (this was our Saturday night...). I have a list of... well, professions... I'd like to make out with. Is that weird? My last post hinted at how hot I think teachers are. You know, attractive teachers. But here's my complete list: teacher, cop, firefighter, soldier, emt/paramedic. A good title for this list is Professions I think are hot... So there's that...

I'm not going to elaborate on this, because it's weirder than I'm comfortable with, but I'm really bad at texting. Like bad to the point where on Saturday night two of my best friends forcefully took my phone from me to text a guy. This is partially because they love me and think that I might need some male interaction in my life. Not even anything bad, just some form of interaction. Thank guys.

Mk, I'm pretty much out of topics. I'm going to work tomorrow, so I'm sure I'm going to have lots of comments about that. Also, please email me (skyvanblog@gmail.com) if you want to read my personal blog. I post more there. Go ahead and email me if you think you can help me with texting dilemmas. I'm definitely currently having one. Which will inevitably turn into an embarrassing story to post here. Ahh, the cycle...

Yours awkwardly,
Morgan

My name is Morgan, and I'm abnormally emotional

First of all, I'm sorry for the lack of post Friday. There are two and a half weeks of classes left, so you can understand that its a little stressful at the moment. And by a little, I mean it in the way that when you say that you murdered someone... a little, is no different from murdering someone... a lot. And in case that analogy didn't do anything for you, then I'll just lay it out for you: it's a really stressful time of year. Luckily for you, when I get stressed, I get uncomfortable. More so than normal. I also make more aggressive comments than I normally do.

Which brings me to this: I'm abnormally emotional. It isn't because I'm stressed; I'm always this way. I used to think that I just would get upset because my relationship with C turned unhealthy and all that mess. But now that we don't speak, it is absolutely clear that had nothing to do with it. When I say I'm abnormally emotional I don't just mean that if you say something mean to me, like "If you were more physically attractive, you'd have another boyfriend already," I'll cry and hold a grudge. Which, by the way is a true story. But anyway, I have a heightened sense of apathy. For example, I really love my mom. I'm a sweetheart, I know... But is it normal to cry while watching TV shows when something sad happens, like someone's mom dies?? I seriously doubt it. If anything sad happens that I can even relatively related to, it seriously starts the waterworks. This hinders my ability to go out to the movies with people, watch programs in a classroom setting, and lots of other normal activities.

Another way I exhibit my lack of emotional stability is the fact that I cannot think of one small group over the past two years in which I didn't start crying. I've been with the same Bible study slash small group for both years of college, and no matter what we're talking about, I can't help but get emotional. Even if I'm not upset. We can be talking about our future goals, and then out of nowhere- there I am crying again. Ridiculous. I wish one of those girls would man up and kick me in my throat next time that happens. Which I assuming will be Thursday at 5:30pm, like every week. AND it just so happens that this is our last Bible study together. Our leader is moving to Detroit to be a teacher for TFA and I'm kind of pissed that she's leaving, but really excited. I've already started calling her by her last name and planning classroom surprises to get her.

The incident that made me realize I had this emotional problem is the most pathetic of them all. I was on the phone with my mom, telling her about how I really wanted to get a TiVo for when I move. My mom is pretty aggressive, so she obviously told me no and shut it down real fast. I proceeded to cry. On my way to class. To the point where I didn't go to class because I was so upset. I should clarify, I wasn't upset about not getting the TiVo. I'm not that spoiled. I was upset by how she approached viciously turning me down. Her reaction was to tell me she's worried about my social skills. She "doesn't want me to become a hermit." First of all, how does getting a TiVo make me a hermit?? I wanted a TiVo because I'm always in meetings or busy and can't watch my favorite shows. Secondly, if you know me, you know I'm fine with becoming a hermit. A few life outcomes I'm perfectly okay with are as follows: a hermit with thirty cats and a library, a politician's wife, a more scientifically apt version of my high school English teacher, an awkward mechanical engineer. HOW DOES MY MOM NOT KNOW THAT I'M OKAY WITH BEING A HERMIT???? This upset me even more and she proceeded to suggest seeing a therapist. Not. Even. Kidding.

It didn't help my mom's image of me when I called her at 1am Friday night crying, either. Literally as soon as she answered, I started crying hysterically. It was also pouring down rain, so I opted to calm down, drive home, and call her back. As I get back to my apartment soaking wet, I call her back and tell her all about how I had an awful time at formal. Which is very true. And that's the reason I was crying. I hadn't originally wanted to go to formal and was there only by some coercing from a few friends. Friends that ended up spending the entire night with their dates, but whatever. I'm a wuss and couldn't control my emotions. I ended up telling my mom that I hate formals and I'm never going again, unless I have a particular date or am on exec. I can't dance and definitely didn't have a date, so the entire night was uncomfortable for me. One guy told me to come dance and somehow the conversation ended up with him telling me he feels he can be rude to me because he "has faith I can handle it". Direct quote. Obviously, this did NOT make my mother any more confident in my social skills and once again she suggested therapy. This time she added, "Maybe some medication would balance you out." Thanks, Mom.

And on a semi-related topic, I watched a 3 hour PBS special about Wuthering Heights on Netflix Instant Watch the other day. And cried the entire time. I am being so serious. Wuthering Heights is one of my favorite books of all times and I have no shame in admitting that I cried until three am watching a movie about it. It is a really weird story- with the necrophilia and incest and all, and it makes me feel differently after watching/reading it every time. I just thought I should share that with you. You should obviously watch it.

Anyway. I'm abnormally emotional and it isn't even cool. This makes me sound extra ridiculous, and I swear I'm not. It just happens and I get over it and that's that. It doesn't affect my friendships, at least I don't think it does. For the next post, I'll try to not sound so pathetic. Because I'm totally not.

Yours awkwardly, and creepily,
Morgan