How about you teach your child how to use a compass so he doesn't have to use breadcrumbs to navigate the woods?!

This is what I do when I'm sick and can't muster up the strength to study for my test that's on Monday.

This is one of my favorite videos ever.



This one just as funny as it is wrong.



And then I stumbled upon this little gem. Oh. My. Gosh. I can't even handle this.



"And hypothetically, there are female engineers. But Big Foot also exists hypothetically." Hahahahahaha. This is wonderful.



And then I watched this. And laughed out loud. Mostly just about the anti-bacterial versus a virus thing.



I can't stop laughing. I hope people understand these are jokes and I am in no way saying I agree with this mess.



YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES. I have never found a video that makes me this happy. BEARS HAVE NO PITY!!!!!



I have no idea why these are so appealing to me.



I have to stop.



I'm sorry. I couldn't help but post these. When I feel better and can hold my head up on my own, I'll do better. I promise. Hope you laughed.

Morgan

Instead of talking about me being awkward, today I have awkward observations.

Today I have a clear outline of my venting topics. A few nights ago I hung out with a good friend from high school, and I feel that the reminiscing should be shared. You're welcome. :)

Okay, the first thing doesn't have anything to do with my high school, or anyone from there. But it's pretty relevant because I know a single person in my life that does this. Let me premise this with the fact that I saw a CSI episode about this once, and I absolutely didn't believe that people actually did this. That is, until I was being a creep on facebook and saw pictures of an acquaintance dressed up as an animal. I can only assume that he rubs on other people dressed as animals for sexual pleasure, because that's what CSI says. I genuinely wanted to know how this gets started, so my friend and I did some internet research. We didn't find anything we were looking for, BUT we did find something disturbing enough to distract us from the mission: if you're a minor, your parents have to escort you to these "festivals". I can just imagine this conversation happening:

"Hey, Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you two. Would one of you mind accompanying me to a convention where I'll dress up as an animal and rub up on other people dressed as animals to fulfill my sexual desires? K, thanks for accepting my lifestyle choice!"

There are just so many things about this I don't understand. Like the costume cleaning process. I'm assuming that has to be dry cleaned. I guess you could say you do this for kids birthdays or something. Or you could be ambitious and say you were doing a commercial or something in it. But I just don't see how anyone would be comfortable going into a dry cleaners with an adult sized animal costume and saying, "Yeah, I got a little excited at my convention and really need this dry cleaned. How long will it take, because I have a date in it soon?"

I'm just getting more and more confused about this....

Ok. I've retyped this paragraph about seven times because I'm trying to handle it sensitively. Anyone that knows me knows that is not something I do well. I mean, I might have made one of my best friends cry because I told her she was naive and I'm just absolutely not able to handle friendship topics sensitively. I think a friend of mine in high school had an imaginary girlfriend. There, I said it. We all said it to each other, and now it's out in the open. When I say that I think he had an imaginary girlfriend, I mean that he talked about his girlfriend like she was real and told everyone she was an actual person, but I just don't think that was the case. Even though "she" lived a few towns away, no one ever met her. Not even his best friend. He would show us naked pictures of her, but they never included a face. And the hair color was never the same in two photos. Neither was the skin tone. I feel like that's a compelling enough argument to settle this. I mean, it's been like three years since this happened, so the details are fresh on my mind. But maybe, maybe it was someone messing with him. Like he thought she was a real person, but really it was someone just sending random nude pics of the internet. Oh, it's coming back to me. I legitimately think that we were pretty convinced that it was two girls making our friend think that this other one was real. Like I said, three years ago is a little foggy, but I'm sticking with my original claim that the girlfriend was imaginary. This is one of my favorite high school memories. Obviously, high wasn't spectacular for me...

Quick subject change- an Asian family visited my apartment a few months ago. They knocked on my door and asked if they could show their son the apartment. I was wary at first, but then they explained their journey in adorable broken English. Turns out, the had lived in my apartment while getting their Master's here twenty years ago and conceived a child. Nine months later, they delivered said child on my bed. So they wanted to come and show their son where he was born. My bed. I'm not thrilled that this happened, but, I mean, cool story, right? They didn't stay long, but in the short time they were here, it was so clear that the boy was uncomfortable. It's like his eyes were saying, "Sorry that you now know that an Asian baby was born where you sleep." So yeah, fun fact about my apartment. I totally understand if any of my friends that read this never want to come over again. I also totally understand if my friends that read this do want to come over.

And that's all I have today. I'm pretty grumpy, so I'm really not going to try to dig any deeper than what I had previously saved in my phone as "Ideas for Sky-Vans".

Morgan

This post is wholly a delerium induced over-share...

First things first- this is pretty much been the most amazing Monday ever, in the weirdest ways. I slept through my last final, but my adorable autistic professor was like "No biggie! You can totally still take it because you come to my office and talk to me about things like the ridiculous greed present in modern medicine. And you come to class. I like that. You can take my exam late. No problem." That's what I heard at least. Right after that, he was all like, "HEY! BTDUBBS, you totally rocked your last two exams. Like above class average rocked." So that was nice. After that, I had OLIVE GARDEN. Seriously, in my life, that's the closest thing I've had to a date in sooo long, even though it was with two other girls. I don't get to go out that often, and on a scale of 1-AMAZING, it was wonderful. So yeah, I'm publicly expressing my extreme desire to go out and embarrass myself in front of guys even more... But anyways, after that I had several hours with my staff. It was also great. I do feel that there are a few issues that should be addressed though.

That is, after I address the BEST THING EVER. Some anonymous friend,- I mean, I'm assuming friend... even if I don't know you, you're totes one of my favorite people ever- left the best comment I've ever read on this post. When people say things like that, it is the literally the best thing ever. So thanks for that.

And back to my staff. We share way too much with each other. Moreso than a normal staff does, I feel. We have been so busy lately, that staff bonding has kind of fallen off of the bandwagon. Luckily for us, checkouts bring us together for days on end and that's the perfect environment for me to get too comfortable and over share. That is absolutely something that I have an issue with: getting too comfortable and sharing things that I probably shouldn't. Not like things that are too much and make me lose friends, but when I get comfortable I just share things that might make people think I'm a creep or whatever. Example: this blog. Another example: tonight, one of my best friends that's on my staff and also from Pakistan and I agreed that we'd really like to go to the West Stacks (a part of the library) with a man friend and not to study. Strictly hypothetical... Whatevs. And I'm not going to actually write down this next thing, but I hope this picture describes the other thing that F and I shared tonight with our staff.




(For those of you that don't get it: the teacher off of 90210.)

Two out of the last three nights, I've pulled all nighters. So I'm kind of delirious, but I'm going to give this a shot anywayyyyy. I HATE STEREOTYPES ABOUT TEXANS. I also cannot stand it when people feed those stereotypes. Let's discuss.

George W. Bush- I'll be the first to say that I love W. I want to meet him and take a picture with him. So incredibly badly. But just because I support him, doesn't mean that I feel the need to talk about things like how the south will rise again. I'm nowhere near being politically correct, but get some common sense. Seriously. Most people from the north annoy me, but I can't stand banjo playing self righteous southerners even more so.

Riding horses/rodeo/etc- I actually did have a horse and rodeo in high school. I'm not saying anything negative about it. Trust me, I'm dying to go stay a weekend with my sister solely for the fact that she attends a rodeo college and my facebook creeping has made me realize that I desperately need a weekend to be in the middle of nowhere with guys that don't wear colored shorts, Sperry's, and carry black cards. BUT by no means does everyone in Texas ride their horses to school. In fact, I've been thoroughly disappointed with the lack of legitimate rodeo men in my area.

Line Dancing- I probably feel the most passionate about this one. NO ONE SELF LEGITIMATELY LINE DANCES FOR FUNSIES!!!! I mean, its one thing to do it as a joke, but I cannot stand when people think that anyone that's from the country or anyone who rodeo line dances. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Not one legitimate rodeo contestant goes line dancing. Trust me, after four years of high school with my sister, I know that doesn't happen. Most bull riders are drunken whores that play games like the Bad to Lay Down Tour, which is ridiculously awful and hilarious, and a completely different topic. Two stepping is totally normal, dancing of any country way is normal, but LINE DANCING IS NOT. The only people you will see line dancing are the people that are severely misinformed and seriously out of touch with rodeo. I seriously cannot express my frustration with this.

I don't think I can continue. I'll elaborate more later, but the ten hours of sleep I've gotten in the last 72 hours is just not cutting it anymore. I just really wanted to post so I could point out how awesome whoever left that comment is...

Yours awkwardly,
Morgan

Liquid silver is so gross.

I get sick a lot. Not only the whole I get nervous and hurl thing, but literally ill because I have the immune system of a fetus. Because of this, my mother always tries preventative measures to keep me from getting sick. One phase she went through was making me take liquid silver. I had no idea that this was something you could buy for funsies. Skylar really enjoyed this- she'd be at my house and anytime I'd cough or sneeze or sniffle, my mom would get the liquid silver out. I feel like you should know that it tastes AWFUL. I'm a huge wuss, so I would throw a fit every single time. I HATE liquid silver. Luckily, its been a few years since my mom was on her silver spree.

Around the same time I was being forced to take what I consider to be dangerous amounts of the silver, Skylar saw a special on some man that drank too much of it and turned purple. After this special, Skylar found out that if you eat an insane amount of carrots, your body will turn orange. Whether this is accurate or not is debatable, but I saw an episode of House where it happened, which is absolutely good enough for me. When Skylar comes home for the summer, we plan for her to come stay with me for a week and just eat carrots. I already refuse to wear orange, so I'm definitely not going to turn my skin that color. Maybe because there was a spray-tanning incident my sophomore year of high school that perpetually scarred me. A high school professor still won't let me live it down. Long story short- my red hair mixed with orange skin is just really unflattering. Luckily, I have a friend that's down for whatever who is willing to accompany Skylar on this adventure. Don't worry, I'll document it all.

And in a topic related to the post about me being exceptionally emotional, I'm cutting this post short to go to my last Bible study of the semester, which is the last small group with my mentor and surrogate big. I'm very prepared to cry. A lot.

Please bear with me during finals; it is hectic.
Morgan

Hello. Is that a sweater you're wearing??

Before I get started on this post, I'm going to cover a little housekeeping slash things I want to say. First of all, there have been only three posts and already I've been surprised by some consequences. One in particular: C was NOT pleased with the information shared here. I was taken aback when I awoke to one of my worst fears: a text saying he found my blog. Luckily, it was just this one. But it led to something good- closure. Blah blah blah, happiness and civility isn't funny, so I'll stop there. BUT I will say that I feel so legit to have an ex read my blog and then text me. It might have been a life goal of mine. Also, I'm kind of unsure how I feel about the fact that I was called "weird" for my date rape comments. I'm a creep and if you dated me for a year, you should probably know that. But that's another story...

AND now for the point of this blog: I laugh at really inappropriate times. Its a problem in my life that I'm learning accept. I've been scolded for it, and I've been encouraged. So obviously I'm torn. Should I even make an effort to stop? I'll give you some example of times this has happened and let you decide.

--Possibly the worst of the scenarios (and it was absolutely my fault): I might have made a That's what she said... joke during Bible study the other day. By the other day, I mean at a Christian retreat. One third of the girls laughed; one third of them openly expressed their disapproval; and one third of them had no idea how to react. It didn't help that this was in regards to the Bible study leader quoting Jesus. Maybe I have a sense of humor and some of them don't. I don't know, I unintentionally give people reasons to find me socially inept.

--Another one of those reasons is that I'll laugh a lot when no one else is laughing. I'm mainly talking about the time I was reading this post from my favorite blog, and laughed openly in my deformable bodies class. Was this the same class that is aware I collect gnomes? Absolutely. Of course. And then later that day, in another class, I was texting Skylar ABOUT the post and then proceeded to laugh again out loud. This time I was in class with my Autistic professor. I laugh at his jokes, or what I think are jokes, a lot when no one else does. Hopefully that counts for something, especially since the end of the semester is near. Unless they aren't in fact jokes- that could make things go a different direction for me.

--I'm exceptionally tired, thanks to one of my favorite things in this world: Nyquil. So this is about to turn into a compilation of random thoughts. Hopes that's okay. How do you feel about guys in sweaters? I'm a huge fan. There's something about men wearing sweaters slash cardigans slash anything of that nature that makes me envision them in a library with cats resting on the bookshelves. I like that picture. But once I'm picturing that, I'm picturing the library scene in Atonement, which makes me like the concept of men in sweaters even more. It just really seems like a win-win situation.

--This might be the weirdest, creepiest thing I'll ever post. I would ask to not be judged, but after I got the whole you made comments about date raping your neighbor and also made inappropriate comments about Brittney's neighbor and that makes you weird text, I'm not even going to worry about it. I have the strangest attraction to man that works in my building. I see him a lot when I leave to go to class in the mornings and he always looks so sad. Something about how sad he looks makes me want to cook him dinner, among other things. If nothing else, at least I'm honest with you guys. And I won't lie, knowing the C has read this makes it a little harder to be. I have a light that needs fixing, I'm just saying...

--Listen, that's really all I've got for you today. In summary, I laugh at inappropriate times, am a creep, and like guys in sweaters. I carry around a notebook around with me everywhere; I jot down little ideas to write about later. I swear my lack of creativity is due to the Nyquil, so here are some previews of things I HAVE to tell you about: I really, really hate a classmate of mine; I'm emotionally unstable and cry for really ridiculous reasons.

Yours awkwardly, and creepily,
Morgan