Instead of talking about me being awkward, today I have awkward observations.

Today I have a clear outline of my venting topics. A few nights ago I hung out with a good friend from high school, and I feel that the reminiscing should be shared. You're welcome. :)

Okay, the first thing doesn't have anything to do with my high school, or anyone from there. But it's pretty relevant because I know a single person in my life that does this. Let me premise this with the fact that I saw a CSI episode about this once, and I absolutely didn't believe that people actually did this. That is, until I was being a creep on facebook and saw pictures of an acquaintance dressed up as an animal. I can only assume that he rubs on other people dressed as animals for sexual pleasure, because that's what CSI says. I genuinely wanted to know how this gets started, so my friend and I did some internet research. We didn't find anything we were looking for, BUT we did find something disturbing enough to distract us from the mission: if you're a minor, your parents have to escort you to these "festivals". I can just imagine this conversation happening:

"Hey, Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you two. Would one of you mind accompanying me to a convention where I'll dress up as an animal and rub up on other people dressed as animals to fulfill my sexual desires? K, thanks for accepting my lifestyle choice!"

There are just so many things about this I don't understand. Like the costume cleaning process. I'm assuming that has to be dry cleaned. I guess you could say you do this for kids birthdays or something. Or you could be ambitious and say you were doing a commercial or something in it. But I just don't see how anyone would be comfortable going into a dry cleaners with an adult sized animal costume and saying, "Yeah, I got a little excited at my convention and really need this dry cleaned. How long will it take, because I have a date in it soon?"

I'm just getting more and more confused about this....

Ok. I've retyped this paragraph about seven times because I'm trying to handle it sensitively. Anyone that knows me knows that is not something I do well. I mean, I might have made one of my best friends cry because I told her she was naive and I'm just absolutely not able to handle friendship topics sensitively. I think a friend of mine in high school had an imaginary girlfriend. There, I said it. We all said it to each other, and now it's out in the open. When I say that I think he had an imaginary girlfriend, I mean that he talked about his girlfriend like she was real and told everyone she was an actual person, but I just don't think that was the case. Even though "she" lived a few towns away, no one ever met her. Not even his best friend. He would show us naked pictures of her, but they never included a face. And the hair color was never the same in two photos. Neither was the skin tone. I feel like that's a compelling enough argument to settle this. I mean, it's been like three years since this happened, so the details are fresh on my mind. But maybe, maybe it was someone messing with him. Like he thought she was a real person, but really it was someone just sending random nude pics of the internet. Oh, it's coming back to me. I legitimately think that we were pretty convinced that it was two girls making our friend think that this other one was real. Like I said, three years ago is a little foggy, but I'm sticking with my original claim that the girlfriend was imaginary. This is one of my favorite high school memories. Obviously, high wasn't spectacular for me...

Quick subject change- an Asian family visited my apartment a few months ago. They knocked on my door and asked if they could show their son the apartment. I was wary at first, but then they explained their journey in adorable broken English. Turns out, the had lived in my apartment while getting their Master's here twenty years ago and conceived a child. Nine months later, they delivered said child on my bed. So they wanted to come and show their son where he was born. My bed. I'm not thrilled that this happened, but, I mean, cool story, right? They didn't stay long, but in the short time they were here, it was so clear that the boy was uncomfortable. It's like his eyes were saying, "Sorry that you now know that an Asian baby was born where you sleep." So yeah, fun fact about my apartment. I totally understand if any of my friends that read this never want to come over again. I also totally understand if my friends that read this do want to come over.

And that's all I have today. I'm pretty grumpy, so I'm really not going to try to dig any deeper than what I had previously saved in my phone as "Ideas for Sky-Vans".

Morgan

I'm not the pretty sister, and I get reminded of that fact often

Good news!! My computer is officially fixed. Yay!!! I'm not worried about this happening again, because no one is here anymore that will use Internet Explorer to look up NSFW material because that person knows I use Firefox and won't see the IE history. I mean, IF that was even the problem....

And in other news- A question I often ask myself is "What would I normal person do in this situation?" Never before has the answer been, "Go to the drive in with Sky and a bucket of chicken." That was my Friday night exactly a week ago. Something about being home makes me so much more comfortable with not being on par with normal. And spending time with Skylar doesn't help that situation. So long story short: we rolled up to the KFC drive thru and, I kid you not, asked, "What's the least amount of chicken we can get in a bucket?" Because really, it was the bucket with which we were most concerned. If you were wondering- the answer is six. You can get six pieces of chicken in a bucket.

That is what I do when I'm home. Another thing I like to do when I'm home: spend time with my little brother. My family, yeah sure. But mainly the smallest sibling. He literally had tears in his eyes and asked our parents if I could sleep in his room because he "never gets to spend time with Morgan anymore." SO CUTE, RIGHT?! Well, I like to go to his baseball games. I have awfully bad anxiety, so I get ridiculously nervous watching. But the last game I went to was particularly eventful. Turns out, one of umps was absolutely the definition of attractive. And the kicker? My sister and I were desperately trying to figure out where we knew him from, and it turns out that he has asked her out on several dates. She declined, God knows why. And yet again was I reminded that I am indeed not the pretty sister. Just like in high school when people told me that. Often. So I'm not sure how to handle that.

Another situation I'm not sure how I'm going to handle: a friend of mine is going to come stay with me. In my apartment. For more than one day. I really want her to stay with me. I'm more concerned about her. Like, I couldn't possibly have a roommate, so I hope this doesn't have an effect on our friendship. And I have a couch made for midgets. Anyone who has been to my apartment knows I'm not exaggerating. It's long but really, really thin. And that's what she said. But no, I'm not really not kidding.

Something that happened to me yesterday: I gave the lead in Cute Is What We Aim For a lighter. So it was pretty legit, I'm a huge fan of their music. And by huge fan, I mean that I want to make out to it. BUT that just makes me realize how I don't have that in my life, sooooo.... There's that. For the record, I absolutely don't smoke, but my best friend left her lighter in my car, so I definitely gave that mess up fast. Sorry, B. But it was absolutely worth it because he definitely said, "Sweet car." Shaant was pretty cunning in real life. I might have texted my mom a picture of him and I. She then replied, "Please go home alone." Which made me feel pretty good, because she apparently was under the impression that I just asked a potential hook up to take a picture with me so I could text it to my mom for approval. This also means that she thought that I had a potential hook-up. And an attractive one at that. Yet again I find myself saying "Thanks for the confidence boost, MOM!" So yeahhh....

Here's a picture of Shaant. So you know what kind of guy my mom thinks I'm getting...

If only....

Which leads me right into another concern- why the HELL aren't there more guys like this in my life? I'm a BIG fan of beards. In fact, beards absolutely should be added to my make-out list. Mmm. And because I have an undeniable attraction to men with beards and long hair, I might have been excessively creepy to a guy on Twitter and/or Formspring. Which is just great for me.

Yours awkwardly, and creepily,
Morgan

Sorry for being such a missing person.... Not that you were missing me...

First of all, sorry for being the most sketch person ever and not posting. I'm the worst. Trust me, I'm very aware of that. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I've been forced to work in my boss's office all day long almost every day of the week. "Morgan, you could totally take your computer to work with you and write about the wacky things your boss does/says!!" Well, dear reader, maybe I could if I had a laptop with working wireless. That's right. I live a charmed life and I feel the need to publicly complain about the most minute thing ever: no wireless. That's why I am looking to alternative methods for making money. Since my job doesn't pay me in real money, you know...

AND another obstacle in my blogging path- I had toe surgery. Yep, I'm claiming that my toe preventing me from typing. Obviously. I didn't get time off from work, so by the time I got to come back to my apartment, I just crashed. And by crashed I mean I spent a lot of time on my couch watching movies and Deadliest Warrior and Man vs. Wild. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy watching Bear Grylls in nature, but I am no questions asked a Geoff Desmoulin girl. If I could pick only one show to watch for the rest of my life, it'd be Deadliest Warrior. I can listen to him talk his Biomedical Engineering lingo and look at his built body every day... AND he totally replied me on twitter. NOT. EVEN. KIDDING. I'd date rape him so fast, it's unreal.

Something of more substance: I saw C yesterday. My little brother desperately wanted to have his birthday party at a certain location where C happens to have a second job. And of course he, as in my little brother, begged me to come. And my sweet little brother is my weakness, so I went. I crossed my fingers that C wouldn't be working. Let me clarify: solely for the purpose of me not being put in a weird position. In all honesty, I knew I'd be a huge wuss about it and probably get all weird and emotional and I just didn't want that to happen. Sooooo of course my luck isn't great, and Chason ran up to me telling me he saw C right as C texted me saying he saw Chason. Literally, here's our conversation (paraphrased- don't quote me. I always delete our conversations after they happened.):

C- "Just saw Chason. Lol."
M- "Yeah, we're here for his birthday."
C- "Oh cool. I don't want things to be awkward."
M- "It's cool, I had to go anyway."
C- "Later."
M- "Thanks for giving Chason those extra tokens. He was really excited."
C- "No prob. He's a cool kid."

Seems like a totally normal conversation, right?? It wasn't. I will not be friends if this is what friends are. I refuse to go from having conversations of substance to this. People change, that's all it boils down to. And by that I really mean that people that were once good people decide that partying, drugs, and generally the lack of anything of substance are priorities. I deleted the conversation, so I wouldn't be tempted to make myself look weird, stupid, embarrassing in any way. Which is pretty hopeless anyway. Actually, I do feel WAY better about myself after that anonymous comment about his new girl being a troll doll that has a low IQ. Anyway. I'm going to go ahead and put this out there- yesterday was a good day to see C. Like I saw a friend, and she was like, "Whoa, you look good." And I was like, "Good, because I saw C." Ohhh, this is my life. I mean, I saw him. I assume he saw me. Maybe he didn't. Totally doesn't matter. Mainly because of that anonymous comment.... Love you, Anonym.

And sorry for that...

Annddddd more embarrassing things about myself: I like cops. Sky and I had a talk about this on our way to the drive ins with a bucket of chicken (this was our Saturday night...). I have a list of... well, professions... I'd like to make out with. Is that weird? My last post hinted at how hot I think teachers are. You know, attractive teachers. But here's my complete list: teacher, cop, firefighter, soldier, emt/paramedic. A good title for this list is Professions I think are hot... So there's that...

I'm not going to elaborate on this, because it's weirder than I'm comfortable with, but I'm really bad at texting. Like bad to the point where on Saturday night two of my best friends forcefully took my phone from me to text a guy. This is partially because they love me and think that I might need some male interaction in my life. Not even anything bad, just some form of interaction. Thank guys.

Mk, I'm pretty much out of topics. I'm going to work tomorrow, so I'm sure I'm going to have lots of comments about that. Also, please email me (skyvanblog@gmail.com) if you want to read my personal blog. I post more there. Go ahead and email me if you think you can help me with texting dilemmas. I'm definitely currently having one. Which will inevitably turn into an embarrassing story to post here. Ahh, the cycle...

Yours awkwardly,
Morgan

This post is wholly a delerium induced over-share...

First things first- this is pretty much been the most amazing Monday ever, in the weirdest ways. I slept through my last final, but my adorable autistic professor was like "No biggie! You can totally still take it because you come to my office and talk to me about things like the ridiculous greed present in modern medicine. And you come to class. I like that. You can take my exam late. No problem." That's what I heard at least. Right after that, he was all like, "HEY! BTDUBBS, you totally rocked your last two exams. Like above class average rocked." So that was nice. After that, I had OLIVE GARDEN. Seriously, in my life, that's the closest thing I've had to a date in sooo long, even though it was with two other girls. I don't get to go out that often, and on a scale of 1-AMAZING, it was wonderful. So yeah, I'm publicly expressing my extreme desire to go out and embarrass myself in front of guys even more... But anyways, after that I had several hours with my staff. It was also great. I do feel that there are a few issues that should be addressed though.

That is, after I address the BEST THING EVER. Some anonymous friend,- I mean, I'm assuming friend... even if I don't know you, you're totes one of my favorite people ever- left the best comment I've ever read on this post. When people say things like that, it is the literally the best thing ever. So thanks for that.

And back to my staff. We share way too much with each other. Moreso than a normal staff does, I feel. We have been so busy lately, that staff bonding has kind of fallen off of the bandwagon. Luckily for us, checkouts bring us together for days on end and that's the perfect environment for me to get too comfortable and over share. That is absolutely something that I have an issue with: getting too comfortable and sharing things that I probably shouldn't. Not like things that are too much and make me lose friends, but when I get comfortable I just share things that might make people think I'm a creep or whatever. Example: this blog. Another example: tonight, one of my best friends that's on my staff and also from Pakistan and I agreed that we'd really like to go to the West Stacks (a part of the library) with a man friend and not to study. Strictly hypothetical... Whatevs. And I'm not going to actually write down this next thing, but I hope this picture describes the other thing that F and I shared tonight with our staff.




(For those of you that don't get it: the teacher off of 90210.)

Two out of the last three nights, I've pulled all nighters. So I'm kind of delirious, but I'm going to give this a shot anywayyyyy. I HATE STEREOTYPES ABOUT TEXANS. I also cannot stand it when people feed those stereotypes. Let's discuss.

George W. Bush- I'll be the first to say that I love W. I want to meet him and take a picture with him. So incredibly badly. But just because I support him, doesn't mean that I feel the need to talk about things like how the south will rise again. I'm nowhere near being politically correct, but get some common sense. Seriously. Most people from the north annoy me, but I can't stand banjo playing self righteous southerners even more so.

Riding horses/rodeo/etc- I actually did have a horse and rodeo in high school. I'm not saying anything negative about it. Trust me, I'm dying to go stay a weekend with my sister solely for the fact that she attends a rodeo college and my facebook creeping has made me realize that I desperately need a weekend to be in the middle of nowhere with guys that don't wear colored shorts, Sperry's, and carry black cards. BUT by no means does everyone in Texas ride their horses to school. In fact, I've been thoroughly disappointed with the lack of legitimate rodeo men in my area.

Line Dancing- I probably feel the most passionate about this one. NO ONE SELF LEGITIMATELY LINE DANCES FOR FUNSIES!!!! I mean, its one thing to do it as a joke, but I cannot stand when people think that anyone that's from the country or anyone who rodeo line dances. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Not one legitimate rodeo contestant goes line dancing. Trust me, after four years of high school with my sister, I know that doesn't happen. Most bull riders are drunken whores that play games like the Bad to Lay Down Tour, which is ridiculously awful and hilarious, and a completely different topic. Two stepping is totally normal, dancing of any country way is normal, but LINE DANCING IS NOT. The only people you will see line dancing are the people that are severely misinformed and seriously out of touch with rodeo. I seriously cannot express my frustration with this.

I don't think I can continue. I'll elaborate more later, but the ten hours of sleep I've gotten in the last 72 hours is just not cutting it anymore. I just really wanted to post so I could point out how awesome whoever left that comment is...

Yours awkwardly,
Morgan

"Sharks are not very intelligent and certainly don't hold grudges."

Ok. You ask, and I provide. Getting comments on my posts is seriously the best thing ever. BUT this will be my last post until after finals are over. Mechanical Engineering doesn't necessarily come naturally to me, so I'm going to be studying until my fingers bleed. Which doesn't sound like a good analogy, but totally is. Since my classes are all math and engineering, I just do a lot of practice problems to study. After enough practice problems, my pencil gives me blisters and genuinely might make me bleed. So BAM, analogy validated.

I'm going to go ahead and preface this post with telling you that I am extremely mad right now. Okay, maybe not mad, but in a VERY grumpy mood. I'm not going into tons of detail about why (if you do want to know, read my personal blog- email skyvansblog@gmail.com for the link), but I will tell you that I'm currently taking suggestions on how to be as petty and extreme as possible. There's a playground in front of my building and I legitimately considered kicking a toddler as I was walking home today. That's what kind of mood I'm in. And to make things worse, I can't even go to PetCo (which is where my best friend takes me when I'm upset because I LOVE cats) because I'm so busy. After I pump out this post, I've got a million and two things to get done. All of which involve things I'm not a huge fan of, i.e. studying for math, talking to residents about issues, chilling in my boss's office for funsies because no one signed up for check outs, nighttime studying, etc. So summary: I'm in a pissed off mood and feel like making lots of unfriendly comments about things like C... and... I tried to think of more things that I can be rude about, but that's really all I've got. I hate generating functions, but I adore my mildly autistic professor, so it balances out.

First things first: the title of this post is just a random and direct quote from a friend's oceanography book. Completely random and hilarious. I love sharks. To the point where when people ask me what my favorite holiday is, I tell them its SHARK WEEK!!!!! You know, on the Discovery channel? BEST. WEEK. EVER. They just play shows about sharks all week. It happens over the summer, I think in August, so get excited.

And I have a question for anyone who will respond: how do you feel about wearing jewelry that an ex got you? When I was asked this question by a then significant other, I definitely thought I would have no problem wearing stuff he got me after we broke up. It just occurred to me how weird it is that we had this conversation before thinking about breaking up. Maybe I shouldn't be so naive... But back to the point, now I think that wearing jewelry given to you by an ex is like living a lie. Why would I want to wear something given to me out of love when obviously things weren't what you thought they were? How do you feel about it? PLEASE comment this post with some opinions. Because I just might have a few necklaces and a pair of earrings that won't ever be worn again. Like I'm going to get new jewelry after finals so I'll have gold to wear because wearing my current stuff puts me in the worst mood. Wearing stuff C got me just makes me think about things like how I spent my last birthday crying on my couch alone because I was under the impression that "I can't wait until your birthday. We're going to do something fun." meant that we'd do something when obviously it meant that he was going to talk on the phone in the hallway for funsies all night. Or about the times I got scolded for being out late when obviously I should have been home so he'd have a place to stay after clubbing with the girls/hoes that "didn't care if he had a girlfriend." So those are my thoughts...

Another thing I feel exceptionally strong about, in a good way though, is kissing people on the cheek when you greet them. So many other cultures do this and I want it to go mainstream in America. I have a good friend, slash he's also the son of one of my professors- fun fact, that is from Mexico. After learning of my extreme excitement about cheek kiss greetings, we know do this every time we see each other. It seriously makes my day. Does it make my day even more when his dad is nearby so he sees that I'm cool with his culture and maybe that'll influence my grade? YES. Absolutely yes.

The other day, while I was in my Autistic professor's office, I saw that he was looking up articles about Yetti's. Do I even have to comment on this?! One of the greatest moments of my life was seeing my five foot tall, eighty year old professor googling Yetti's. (*Note: stats not confirmed, only estimated.)

I want to do a whole post about why I hate stereotypes about people from Texas. So I'm not going to spoil it with snide comments now, but be looking for that. Because I really, really do hate Texas stereotypes.

"Morgan, you're so negative. What are some things you love, other than rude comments about C and cheek kiss greetings??" you ask. Youtube videos of turtles. THAT is something I love.




^^fifteen seconds in is where the entertainment starts...



^^A CAT AND A TURTLE????? First of all, this a creepy cat. Why is it so frozen? What is it looking at? Why do I love it SO much?? And that's a fast little turtle!! I've watching this too many times for it to be considered normal....





^^that goldfish is a little trickster.



^^it looks like a little dinosaur!!!!!! Also, this kid obviously has no life. just like me...



^^bahahaha. i really hope you're finding these as great as I am... Or it could just be another example of how much of a creep I am...


Okay. I really have to get to work and then study. So I will see you all after finals. My last one is Monday...

With awkwardness, and creepiness,
Morgan